What happens.... when the world as we know it ceases to exist? What happens when the comfortable becomes unfamiliar and the nightmares become real? What if this has already happened to you? and you didn't even know it...
There is the conscious mind that makes decisions in our day-to-day. There is also a subconscious mind that underlies those thoughts and drives much of what we do, mostly without our active knowledge. Then there is the ego. The self-serving, strong-surviving, all-permeating ego. That has the ability to affect any and every aspect of our lives, if we allow it to.
As I sit and reflect on my own life, I have come to realize that my ego has created an alternate reality from the one I honestly thought I was living in. So much so that I don't even recognize who I am anymore. Sounds shocking, but... I'm not alone. Matter of fact, I am you... Let me explain.
I was programmed as a child to think something like this.... 1. go to & do well in school. 2. start a career. 3. get married & have a family. 4. achieve happiness.
The catch is that all these things had to happen in that order in order to achieve happiness. I, like most of us, was conditioned to believe that if I did any of the above out of order, or veered from the path to make my own, that I had failed. Miserably. Not just failed myself, but also my family. Lot of weight for a child to carry.... but it sounds familiar, doesn't it??
Now that I'm an adult, I've experienced this explosive phenomenon of my spirit coming into direct confrontation with my ego. There is a constant internal battle, and the victor will ultimately determine "who I am" and what type of life I have chosen to live. Personally, I hope I come out okay in the end, but I'm so confused by all these different terms: spirit, conscience, ego, Ego, Id, subconscious... and I'm so programmed to think that ONE way is the ONLY way... that I honestly don't know which entity I even want to win the battle over me.
On one hand, my ego and programming could win. I'd be "happy", my family would be happy, and all would be well. It's called the fairy tale ending. On the other hand, if my spirit wins, I might just become the woman that God intended for me to be, and who knows what that might mean.... Truth is.... it's all pretty much unknown right now. and that can be very, very scary. But fear has no place in truth, and darkness no place in light.
So in this moment, I choose light. I choose love. I choose to peel off the layers of programming and fear that have crippled me from taking my rightful place in Queendom. I choose to unlearn it all, and allow my spirit, my subconscious, my inner source, my power, my ancestors, and my Truth to lead me, feed me, grow me, and mold me, into all that I already am.
Easier said than done. Painful journey of death and resurrection. There is already mourning and anguish. But in the end, there will be no more battle. Only peace. There will be no more fear, only clarity. There will be no more pain, only flowing waters of healing, running through the valleys where there were only scars before. and in that place, you and me, both.... will be free. Come along on this journey with me?
Peace, Love, and Blessings Manifesting.... Born To Motivate - Day Love
**Special Thanks to Jamala Milele for allowing my presence in your Cipher. Keep rockin', Sis**
8 comments:
Truth: I do want my fairy tale ending. I do want all the beautiful things in life, to enjoy them and share them.... but above all, I want to know me and feel me and experience me to the fullest, while I'm living out my "fairy tale". That way, I can know that I was present and showed up to my own reality. The beautiful reality that I created...
Wow... Tears from my heart sis. You already know the journey I am on. As we define and redefine ourselves we reshape the world around us. You MUST let your soul journey win. That is the only way to find your peace.
I read somewhere "People always talk about the crabs in a barrel mentality. But noone wants to talk about the fact that crabs don't belong in a barrel." We fit ourselves into so many unnatural boxes we begin to think we are square.
There is so much I can say. But I'll simply say: In my searching for truth I found me (beautiful and divine) then I found soul mates like you (more beautiful and more Divine) :)
Gr8 post! So glad spirit won & I'm happy 2 journey w/u n this thing called life :)))
I absolutely love this post, esp. after reading Tolle's, "A New Earth" the machinations of the ego will utterly destroy you! As long as you stay aware, as I'm sure sure you are, you won't be duped into identifying with the smoke screen...
Wonderful Self Reflection, love. You're right ~ we many/All eventually find ourselves in this space. You're told/sold most of your life on these goals ~from people that love you, no less~ & so seldom if ever are we asked to sit silently & ask ourSelves where/who/Why we Are.. Not unless such truths include social goals (the job/family/'happiness'). Not to shun such things~ but the order's of. If we're ever to know happiness, it must be in the Present moment. If we are ever to know love, it's within, such that we may recognize it. All other social/External elements should prove to be expressions of such beautiful Internal/Self understanding & contentment.
Peace to you & All else who find that in acknowledging themselves, ever presently, they should come to find true Peace, and greater alignment on their journey ~ wheresoever it shall lead.
Like I said on twitter, I can relate because this is my journey too. Everyday, I question my wants and beliefs, trying to see if they're really mine or what I've been programmed to accept. I think we all want to "fit in" at times, but is that where we'll truly be satisfied? Usually not. I strive to fulfill my true purpose and not the one envisioned by others. Is it easy? No. Do I lose my way at times? Yes, but I find that I must keep moving forward anyway.
In the past few months I have been dumped,fired and face eviction. I feel like I did all the things I was supposed to do..but to no avail. This has caused me to question not my ability to do it but what it is I'm supposed to do. Everyone says not to lose hope or faith, but when things fall apart and you don't know what to do next...and you feel like you're doing what you need to..yet things don't seem to be changing for the better. What then? I say all that to say this: I know where I WANT to be but it seems and feels like a galaxy away.
I have spent the past several years figuring what's best for me...and today I feel none the wiser. All anyone can do is strive to move forward...I believe that things will work out bc they have..but in this moment...I understand the confusion.
To even begin to express my gratitude to you all would take more words than I have in my vocabulary. I'm overwhelmed by the openness with which you all have embraced me, as I was honestly rather afraid to write this post publicly. To me, the things I had to say, I held inside... for so long. Ashamed. Unable to admit that I don't really know how I got to this place, or where I'm going from here. What an isolating feeling. But each of you, in your own way, have freed me from that place of isolation by confiding in me that you, too, have been here. I'm honored. I'm honored that you would let me into this place. That you would let me connect with you and that you would allow us to travel this journey together. I needed you. Thank you for letting me have you. Peace & Blessings Manifesting, Day Love
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