Tuesday, July 18, 2017
I'm one of those "None of your business, stay in a child's place" parents because I am not going to lie to my sons however at the same time there are things they don't need to be exposed to and things that are not beneficial for them to have to try to process. I temper my words with them to ensure that I am honest yet I TRY to also be discreet (not my strong suit)
Check out my old blog post "Honestly Honest" about how we lie to our children and teach them to lie inadvertently
In my 40 years of experience (sounds official doesn't it?) One of the things that often comes to question is "Honesty".
Thursday, December 22, 2016
I blogged about this back in Sept of 2013 and recently I’ve felt the need to update. SOOOOO….
Let’s start with a refresher
…There is something about being in the throes of arousal and pleasure that causes us (all of us) to string words together so eloquently. Most of us understand that “sex talk” should be taken seriously DURING intercourse but should be taken very lightly at any other time. That does not mean the person who is “sex talking” is being dishonest, but, like any other intoxicant, sex causes the brain to respond to stimuli in a less that usual manner. It causes us to step outside of our norm or comfort zone and explore an entirely new way of operating and speaking. For example if someone were to ummmm let’s say put their hands gingerly around your throat (randomly popped in my head) while you were somewhere in a common setting (work, school, meetings) the response would be different than if someone were to do it during intercourse. Sex Talk should not be confused with talking about sex, although talking about sex could naturally lead to “sex talk” if done correctly.
Sex Talk: conversation that occurs during foreplay, sexual intercourse (blending) of any kind, occasionally immediately following or intimate conversation to promote arousal. AKA talking dirty, nasty talk, being freaky..
********Note Sex talk is ALWAYS a mutual exchange in some fashion. Randomly shouting out or whispering obscenities to strangers or someone who is not interested in you is sexual harassment. Let’s not do that.
Scroll Down to see 2013 translations
I love you
2013 I love how I am feeling with you…. Right now 2.) These sensations are causing a spike in my emotional capacity 3.) I am fond of you 4.) I actually love you (not likely)
2016 1.You said it first so I’m saying it back. 2. You are making me feel really good, 3. I love you in the general since of the word like “I love of people”.
Put it in!
2013 Although I am sure that you plan on penetration happening during this session I would like for you to do that sooner rather than later. Like right now!
2016 1. You are taking too long to insert your penis into me 2. It slipped out and I was just about to cum so hurry up before I lose this feeling.
I’m about to cum/I’m cumming
2013 Men: Im about to cum or Im in the process of cumming.
Women: if you continue to do EXACTLY what you are doing for an extended period of time I will eventually have and orgasm. Usually followed or preceded by “Don’t stop”
2016 Men: Im cumming ret now so you better get your quickly
Women: 1. Please don’t stop or doing anything stupid because I am really enjoying this and if you keep going I will FINALLY have an orgasm 2. Your sex is garbage and I want you to stop 3. Meh 4. You need a little motivation to work harder 5. This feels really good but you not going to make me cum so let’s just stop soon. 6. I like you and I want you to feel good about your efforts
2013 Don’t fucking stop or don’t stop fucking depending on how you want to look at it.
*note* don’t stop refers to doing the EXACT thing you are doing at the time it is said. This is not the time to be creative and throw in a new move. Don’t stop is usually followed by I’m about to cum (see instructions above)
2016 See 2013
2013 I am enjoying what you are doing so much that I would like for you to be the one to do it again.
2016 1 I’m dating/sleeping with several people but I enjoy you’re the most 2 You fuck/suck/lick the best 3 I really like how this feels 3 Your insecure and I want to reassure you that you don’t have to worry about our relationship
2013 I’m yours…… right now (this is a time sensitive statement)
2016 See 2013
You’re the best (I have ever had)
2013 You are performing very well at this moment. (Also time sensitive)
2016 1 You are putting in more effort than I am used too 2 Got have some tricks I haven’t seen 3 You are actually the best (not likely) but if they add “for real” or “Im serious” that it probably true
2013 Generally used by men to express the desire for their partner to straddle them and move rhythmically up and down on their penis.
2016 See 2013 but may also refer to riding their face
2013 Generally used by women to express the desire for cunnilingus to be performed well
2016 See 2013
2013 Generally used by men to express the desire for fellatio to be performed well
2016 Used by all genders to express the desire for a certain body part to be sucked. Generally wherever the mouth is at that time
Oooohhh *insert explicative*
2013 I really like that
2016 1. That feels really good 2. It feels so good all I can do is curse
Common “do harm to me” phrases with translation
2013 “Do harm to me” as I like to call them are phrases that are given in “instruction” form. These phrases state an action that the speaker would like for their partner to do at the time of intercourse. There are too many to cover but several are listed below
Choke me, Slap me, Spank me, Pull my hair, Bite me, ______ me harder (can be borderline)
Pound it! Hit it! Beat it up! (Referring to the use of the penis as a thrusting devise)
*Note* translations can very depending on situations. Also if you feel the need to defend your “sex talk” you need some help this is for fun
2016 “Do harm” phrases can go both ways by request *see 2013* or informing of intent I’m going to ____ you
You’re my _______
- The way that I’m making you feel I think that I have the right to call you mine 2. We have established a certain relationship that I’m acknowledging right now 3. I really would like for you to be my____ 4. This feels good so I want it again, and again, and again 5. I’m going to make you some tacos (inside joke) 5 I know you are seeing other people but I feel like we have something special
Feel free to add more this is a continuous post and more will be translated later
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
Sex is a spiritual act though many of us are never consciously taught how to use it for healing, enlightenment and manifesting things in the ways it was meant to. As adults the over whelming majority of us will have an active sex life until we transition to the next phase of existence and sex is an act that involves all facets of our being. Those of who do not have a “sexual” life will still have a “spiritual” existence that involves intimacy, connection, enlightenment and interpersonal relationships.
With this in mind I decided to write a series of books to teach lessons while challenging status quo perspectives on love, sex, gender roles, marriage, relationships and how we should function and operate on a daily bases.
Both books are part of the “Confessions of a...” series which is a collection of stories, sage wisdoms and poems written to arouse every aspect of the reader. I write to educate people about universal, revolutionary, Afrikan (cause that’s what I am), cultural, traditional, rites, rituals and ways of living in order to raise the level of humanity in all of us. The characters are fictional however the history, research, information, sacred rites, “Sage Wisdoms” and lessons given in the books are factual and intended to help foster a more holistic way of operating and interact in our relationships. The characters also deal with real issues that each of us face in our journey of spiritual enlightenment and physical satisfaction; teaching or reminding us how to operate from our higher selves and have healthier ways of thinking and acting.
“Confessions of a Faithful Woman” was an in your face “let’s talk about sex” foot in the door for this series. It dealt with everything from sexual orientation, to sexual repression to swinging from an Afrikan centered (if you will) perspective. The stories were written from many different points of views and mindsets that ranged from monogamous to heterosexual to polyamorous to celibate to sexually fluid and back again. It merely scratched the surface to shake the status quo up a bit and prepare readers for the longer journey to come.
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
Have you ever been in a conversation or strolled down memory lane with someone you had a horrible experience or relationship with and they are talking like it was the best thing in the world? Did you have to stop and wonder if you all were talking about the same time period or event? I have had several instances like this happen to me and I know several other people who have as well. I don’t know if it is a product of the “damsel in distress” narrative where the “hero” tries to “swept them off their feet” IMMEDIATELY after being traumatized instead of just doing a “good deed” and keeping it moving; or the product of “beauty and the beast” narrative where one person in consistently abusive, callous, controlling and demanding while the other tries everything in their power to break free but eventually sees “their softer” side after numerous violations or even a complete lack of apathy and social sensitivity that causes this disproportionate view of circumstances. But I call it “romanticizing pain”, now before we go any future I’m not referring to BDSM relationships/occasions where it is voluntary, desired and enjoyed. Romanticizing pain is when one side is having a horrible experience and the other side is having the time of their life at the expense of the other or simply causing harm to the other without recognizing or caring that they are. It happens in many situations from everything to doing a group project, rape, employment situations, systematic racism (cause you KNOW how we like to sweep that under the rug) to being in a “Rore” as I like to call them (romantic relationships)
But I’m focusing of the Rore aspect because far too often I see where one person is blissful and the other is miserable (or any variation of pleased/displeased). Sometimes it is small things like one person feeling like they are giving more than the other or big like extremely abusive behavior. In any case one party is content with how things are and the other isn’t. Often times the content party doesn’t even see that there is an issue, know there is a problem, they may think things “could be better” but are overall pleased or they are shocked/surprised with the other person’s perception. Many feel that as long the relationship continues that there isn’t really an issue. I have often asked “Why did (are) you stay(ing)…” and the answer usually deals with social constructs (divorce is bad, you need a man/woman..), family expectations (not wanting to “ruin” relationships), children (because you have children together) or not wanting it to be in vain (I could not have done ALL this for nothing). I have also asked “You didn’t (don’t) know it was (is) that bad…” and the answers ironically are: same with social constructs (I’m not nearly as bad as other….), family expectations (This is just how things are when you’re in love…), children (when you have children you stay together) or not wanting it to be in vain (We have put so much into this). Personally I have been in situations that were bad for me but the other person really enjoyed it (especially sexually/romantically). During I thought that they either: 1. knew it was bad for/to me and didn’t care 2. thought it was bad too and didn’t care 3. Completely oblivious to my feelings/perspective and didn’t care. For me it was always about a lack of love or concern for me then I later discovered that almost always the other person simply did not know how things impacted me.
This is one of those open ending conversations because I am not sure where to go with it
*****Note if you are reading this thinking “maybe the person was sensitive, or overly emotional or they did stuff to you too, etc. You were probably on the giving end of the trauma. It’s okay, deal with it and attempt to think, do, be and act differently from now on*****
What are your thoughts or experiences, has this happened to you on either end? (you can always answer anonymously)
Monday, July 25, 2016
When we love someone in a romantic (marked by the imaginative or emotional appeal of what is heroic, adventurous, remote, mysterious, or idealized) way we assign a completely different set of rules, roles and regulations then we do when our love for some is general so to speak.
With "Romance" comes idealistic views of "Death do us part" "Us against the world" "The one and only for me", "Keeping others out of your relationship" and other thoughts that create a bubble for those in the relationship. That bubble can be a protective force or an isolating force. When it is protective it shields those involved from unnecessary drama and harm. However when it is isolating it prevents growth, advancement and shields those involved from "external" help.
If all parties involved (mono or poly) are mature, nurturing, loving and have mutual respect for all, the relationship can be a thing of such beauty and joy that it seems like a real life fairytale. If those involved are jealous, controlling, immature or insecure it is a ticking time bomb that in most cases leaves to abuse and violence.
"Bust the windows out your car"
When we invest our time, feelings, money, energy, heart and soul into something expecting a certain outcome and we don't get it our passion can quickly turn to rage if unchecked. Not to mention that violence as a means of conflict resolution is highly promoted and reinforced in this society. That combined with the notion that we have to MAKE people respect us is a recipe of a domestic violence cocktail. We began to accept the overly emotional way of dealing with issues (fighting, arguing, throwing things, having tantrums and fall outs....) in romantic love as natural and normal and it is not. Then we add sex and physical intimacy to already volatile circumstances which just heightens the issues with in the relationship. We need to REevaluate how we can operate in a kinder, calmer, loving and nurturing manner when faced with issues in a "romantic" context and how we can build healthier bombs with one another that to not denigrate to barbaric ways of operating.
This is meant to open the conversations about "romantic" love and how the standards behind it lead to some very unhealthy situations and outcomes.
What are your thoughts?