I'm one of those "None of your business, stay in a child's place" parents because I am not going to lie to my sons however at the same time there are things they don't need to be exposed to and things that are not beneficial for them to have to try to process. I temper my words with them to ensure that I am honest yet I TRY to also be discreet (not my strong suit)
Check out my old blog post "Honestly Honest" about how we lie to our children and teach them to lie inadvertently
In my 40 years of experience (sounds official doesn't it?) One of the things that often comes to question is "Honesty".
What do we share, when do we share it, how much do we tell, what reasons we don't tell, who do we tell, why do we tell one person but not the other, etc. On one hand we are encouraged to be completely honest in all aspects of life on the other hand we are told to use discretion when sharing certain things. Growing up I was one of those super honest children who said what I felt and thought and did ALL the time. Whiles others got in trouble for not telling the truth I often got in trouble for telling the truth or saying what I thought about situations or people. To this day I still struggle with the notion of "discretion, secrecy, confidentiality and anything else that deals with not putting all my cards on the table." I've always felt that I should disclose all the information so that those I'm interacting with can make sound and realistic choices. I didn't want anyone to say I tricked them or misled them.
Another key thing that I have learned is that "my truth" may not be the real truth. Perception plays a major role in what we call truth. I have also learned that at times "truth" can be damaging and cause more harm that telling a "little black lie", omitting certain things or softening the gravity of things.
In 2015 I posted about our responsibility in honesty
"We have the responsibility to be honest AND righteous in ALL of our relationships: personal, sexual, professional, platonic, spiritual and all others. Simply being honest isn’t enough. You can be honest and be abusive, negligent, mean, distance, etc. We sometimes use “honesty” as an excuse to operate from our lower selves. When we use justifications like “Well I told them what to expect; they knew how I was before they got involved; I was honest about my intent; that’s just business, I never lied…” we take away our personal responsibility to be righteous. It is not someone else’s responsibility to not be hurt, used, abused or otherwise mistreated by us, it is OUR responsibility not to do those things to them. We can not do harm to others because they allow it then fault them because we were “honest” about our intent to do harm (well we can but it is not righteous). To be human means not only being erectus but also being moral and developed. When we treat people poorly under the guides of “honesty” we deny our humanity. We have the choice at every moment of every day to be a better person and to treat others in a manner that shows our humanity. Be honest AND righteous and see what rewards life will bring to you"
Far to often we use truth and information as a weapon to keep the upper hand or put ourselves in a more favorable position. We are taught the "Knowledge is power" and so we wield truth, facts, information like a sword protecting our fragile ego and temporary comfort zones. Even in our closest relationships we use it as a bargaining tool to get what we want to have others bend to our will. Ultimately for me honesty is one of the most sincere gifts you can give to those closest to you, it is a form of intimacy that we guard so heavily in this society because of how our "truths" can be used against us and how vulnerable we feel because of them.
In my books (though fictional) I share my beliefs, practices, and perceptions of love, life, relationships and those things sacred to me in an honest manner. Even the title "Confessions..." speaks to sharing our truths. Honesty is a way of being more humane and deeply connected to those we chose and who chose us.
So I now I pull back from situations to assess what things are true and beneficial for all parties involved and then I shape my truth and actions around that.
What are your thoughts of honesty?
1 comment:
Honesty is a 2-edged sword. Sometimes it can cause harm when exposed. It may be timing that makes the difference in accepting truth. Truth is Love. It can be taken in kindness or it can be abusive.
Give me love and truth! I rather have that than lies and neglect.
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