“Several more months passed with the occasional dinner-massage scenario. I was happy to please and she was deserving. Since we met she has been a sweetheart. She is the perfect blend of passive and aggressive temperament.
“Tonight, I need a super massage. I am so horny. I need to bust one bad.”
“What happened to what’s his name?”
“He got on my nerves, besides we weren’t fucking. He didn’t deserve this.” She joked. “So how long has it been?”
“All jokes aside about 10 years.”
I spit out my drink. “No wonder your ass is so damn mean.” We both laughed for a long time. “Seriously, why so long?”
“Now, you in my business. I don’t know,” she shrugged. “Sex lacks luster for me, masturbating is much better. I want the next time to be for enlightenment or with someone who is really good. You know not every man goes around turning women out like you.”
“They don’t?” I jested.
“So can I get my super massage or not.”
“Yes, I don’t mean anything by it, but if we were together (physically) I would not stop until you were satisfied.”
I did not really know how to read her response, it seemed distant…”
~Hisstory from “Confessions of a faithful woman.
“Tonight, I need a super massage. I am so horny. I need to bust one bad.”
“What happened to what’s his name?”
“He got on my nerves, besides we weren’t fucking. He didn’t deserve this.” She joked. “So how long has it been?”
“All jokes aside about 10 years.”
I spit out my drink. “No wonder your ass is so damn mean.” We both laughed for a long time. “Seriously, why so long?”
“Now, you in my business. I don’t know,” she shrugged. “Sex lacks luster for me, masturbating is much better. I want the next time to be for enlightenment or with someone who is really good. You know not every man goes around turning women out like you.”
“They don’t?” I jested.
“So can I get my super massage or not.”
“Yes, I don’t mean anything by it, but if we were together (physically) I would not stop until you were satisfied.”
I did not really know how to read her response, it seemed distant…”
~Hisstory from “Confessions of a faithful woman.
I often come across women who have chosen to abstain… very often. Reasons vary from not desiring to get pregnant, a bad breakup, ending of a relationship, medical or “spiritual reasons” (I’m using quotes because that means different things for different people). However most often is because the woman wants more than “meaningless casual sex”.
I come across many, many, many, women from all different perspectives and ages who chose to abstain. Now I have not come across a man abstaining, yet, for any reason BUT spiritual/religious and that is raaaaareee, like hip-hop monk, rare. Now I am not knocking abstinence I have abstained before for “spiritual reasons.” When I was going through my initiation into womanhood I was advised to abstain from sex, drinking, weed (yeah I smoked) and anything else that could alter my mind, body, spirit or energy. Along with abstaining went a diet change and other things. Giving up sex was HARD for me, not to mention trying to explain it to my then date and now husband who wasn’t feeling that at all!!!!!!! So when I hear of people volunteering to do it, it is a bit puzzling to me so I always ask “Why?” Most often (98.999%) I am told some form of “causal/meaningless sex is not satisfying, fulfilling or enjoyable at all on a more than physical level” Most women who abstain desire something deeper, better or more profound than what they have experienced in the past and in each case they feel they must have some type of commitment from another person to have that. From what I have been told “casual sex” is sex with a person you know and have a connection with but you truly don’t know at all or you know them but the person is only an acquaintance or friend.
I am often left wondering: What is so magical about being with someone that changes the enjoyment of sex entirely. Why don’t men experience this same sexual phenomenon? How does casual sex physical differ from non casual sex? Is casual sex distant by nature or by choice? Can you have casual sex with someone you love? Is it possible that someone is having casual sex with someone who is not having casual sex? And so on…
For me sex is a deeply emotional, spiritual, loving, enlightening way to connect with myself, my mate and The Creator. The difference between me having an enjoyable experience or not has always been me (Excluding being with someone who was TERRIBLE in bed).
Often times as women we put our self value in being or not being in a relation and base many our life decisions on that. Each of us has some idea what is best for us and if abstaining reaches the goal then by all means do it… well don’t do it, you know what I mean. BUT if abstaining does not meet those goals there may be a better option.
It makes me think of a quote from my bro Necessary Blackness
“Abstinence is never as effective as a thorough understanding.”
I come across many, many, many, women from all different perspectives and ages who chose to abstain. Now I have not come across a man abstaining, yet, for any reason BUT spiritual/religious and that is raaaaareee, like hip-hop monk, rare. Now I am not knocking abstinence I have abstained before for “spiritual reasons.” When I was going through my initiation into womanhood I was advised to abstain from sex, drinking, weed (yeah I smoked) and anything else that could alter my mind, body, spirit or energy. Along with abstaining went a diet change and other things. Giving up sex was HARD for me, not to mention trying to explain it to my then date and now husband who wasn’t feeling that at all!!!!!!! So when I hear of people volunteering to do it, it is a bit puzzling to me so I always ask “Why?” Most often (98.999%) I am told some form of “causal/meaningless sex is not satisfying, fulfilling or enjoyable at all on a more than physical level” Most women who abstain desire something deeper, better or more profound than what they have experienced in the past and in each case they feel they must have some type of commitment from another person to have that. From what I have been told “casual sex” is sex with a person you know and have a connection with but you truly don’t know at all or you know them but the person is only an acquaintance or friend.
I am often left wondering: What is so magical about being with someone that changes the enjoyment of sex entirely. Why don’t men experience this same sexual phenomenon? How does casual sex physical differ from non casual sex? Is casual sex distant by nature or by choice? Can you have casual sex with someone you love? Is it possible that someone is having casual sex with someone who is not having casual sex? And so on…
For me sex is a deeply emotional, spiritual, loving, enlightening way to connect with myself, my mate and The Creator. The difference between me having an enjoyable experience or not has always been me (Excluding being with someone who was TERRIBLE in bed).
Often times as women we put our self value in being or not being in a relation and base many our life decisions on that. Each of us has some idea what is best for us and if abstaining reaches the goal then by all means do it… well don’t do it, you know what I mean. BUT if abstaining does not meet those goals there may be a better option.
It makes me think of a quote from my bro Necessary Blackness
“Abstinence is never as effective as a thorough understanding.”
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