Black Youth in Pale spaces (Systematic trauma)

It is 2022 and we are still surviving, thriving, reclaiming and healing from centuries of cultural warfare globally.  

Many of us are embracing therapy and other healing practices to ensure we are mentally, physically and spiritual healthy as we live "Our best lives". Everywhere we go someone is "unpacking" an issue in order to improve their mental health.  Many times we focus on interpersonal relations as the cause of our trauma but don't focus on the larger overarching systematic aspects. We work to create "safe spaces" in an world designed by PWNC (People with no color) to be unsafe for People**

Franz Fanon said in White Skin Black Masks that "..A normal Negro child, having grown up in a normal Negro family, will become abnormal on the slightest contact of the white world."

With that in mind we will be addressing the systematic trauma (trauma being our emotional response to a distressing experiences) for Black youth in Pale spaces.

Desegregation school programs are extremely harmful to our youth currently and have been harmful to young people for decades. Those systems took us out of the safety of our homes and communities and put us in the belly of the beast. We had to adopt to their way of speaking, dressing, eating, thinking and living to be "successful". That adaptation and success meant denying, judging and suppressing our family and cultural practices.

 

In these programs we spent the majority of our waking hours traveling to and from and being inside their schools and communities.  Most productive hours of our days were spent away from our homes were we were comfortable, families who loved us and communities built by and for us. This separation caused disconnects between our people and pulled funds, resources, skills and talent from our communities. 

It was/is a systematic way to control academic advancement while appearing to do good.  White schools got more funding and resources for "accepting" millions of new young people without having to use the resources to accommodate the people they were bringing in. Our young people were forced to assimilate to foreign culture without even understanding what was happening to them.  Parents were forced to choose between thriving schools with excellent facilities with unloving, unwelcoming  environments for their children and culture or run down schools with poor facilities. Though we had some Schools of our own we did not receive the same support or resources. 

Children found themselves not fitting where they were shipped to because of their Blackness and also being disconnected from their communities because they adapted so much whiteness for survival. Children begin to deny or demean their family/cultural practices and tradition as a means of survival in the spaces they spent most of their time. Our families begin to conflict more because of the aspects of white culture that was being brought into our homes and minds. Adults found themselves having to to explain, justify and defend their family/cultural practices and traditions to children being taught externally to challenge and deny it. Though many families worked through the issues because of the love we have for each other it still caused harm, distance and judgement for our adults and youth.

As children we experienced cultural shaming, linguistic suppression, social isolation, combative authority figures, classism, colorism and so much more emotional abuse daily as their bodies, minds and spirits were developing.  Everything about us as people was contrary to the spaces we were in yet we... we had to adopt, adjust and keep moving forward. We developed many mental and social issues as children because of this that went unaddressed and misunderstood.

Many of us had healing or comfort  in going to HBCUs (Historically Black College or University)  or joining Black focused clubs, organizations and unions in PWI (Predominately white institution) however the long term emotional impact of being in foreign spaces and treated as less than or being given pet status still causes us unrecognized trauma.

As we embrace therapy designing for us and other avenues for healing we must understand and factor the impact of systematic trauma and how to recover from that. Hopefully examining these elements that are often swept under the rug will help us heal, reconnect to ourselves, families and culture.  Most importantly we have to understand the cause and source of our trauma to heal.

How did going to PWI impact you in your youth?  How does the impact manifest in you life and relationships today?

 

**People is used as default for Black, Afrikan people

Sex talk: What are we REALLY saying? 2016 Edition

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Confessions.... by Milele

Many people have asked me about my books “Confessionsof a faithful Woman” (2012) and “Confessions of a Sage Woman” (2016) so I decided to provide an overview…

Sex is a spiritual act though many of us are never consciously taught how to use it for healing, enlightenment and manifesting things in the ways it was meant to. As adults the over whelming majority of us will have an active sex life until we transition to the next phase of existence and sex is an act that involves all facets of our being.   Those of who do not have a “sexual” life will still have a “spiritual” existence that involves intimacy, connection, enlightenment and interpersonal relationships.

With this in mind I decided to write a series of books to teach lessons while challenging status quo perspectives on love, sex, gender roles, marriage, relationships and how we should function and operate on a daily bases.

Both books are part of the “Confessions of a...” series which is a collection of stories, sage wisdoms and poems written to arouse every aspect of the reader.  I write to educate people about universal, revolutionary, Afrikan (cause that’s what I am), cultural, traditional, rites, rituals and ways of living in order to raise the level of humanity in all of us.  The characters are fictional however the history, research, information, sacred rites, “Sage Wisdoms” and lessons given in the books are factual and intended to help foster a more holistic way of operating and interact in our relationships. The characters also deal with real issues that each of us face in our journey of spiritual enlightenment and physical satisfaction; teaching or reminding us how to operate from our higher selves and have healthier ways of thinking and acting.

“Confessions of a Faithful Woman” was an in your face “let’s talk about sex” foot in the door for this series.  It dealt with everything from sexual orientation, to sexual repression to swinging from an Afrikan centered (if you will) perspective. The stories were written from many different points of views and mindsets that ranged from monogamous to heterosexual to polyamorous to celibate to sexually fluid and back again. It merely scratched the surface to shake the status quo up a bit and prepare readers for the longer journey to come.

“Confessions of a Sage Woman” on the other side of the coin slides readers more deeply into the knowledge of the sacred sexual and holistic lifestyle.  Several of the characters from the first book are expanded upon and there are “recipes” that inform the reader in a more formal manner about holistic living and creating a more sacred way of living and operating. This book also introduces new characters and addresses things like depression, rape, abuse and other barriers to our healing and advancing. Yet it still has the same erotic flow and vibe that the series is intended to have

I write from my personal knowledge, research, initiation, relationships, values, perspectives and worldview and put the most intimate parts of myself on papers for the world to see and hopefully utilize for their evolution.  I hope that each book takes the reader farther into themselves and their connection to the universe. 

As always I appreciate you for taking the time to read and think about what I have shared.  I look forward to you sharing with me as well about your experience reading the series or dealing with some of the things in the books.

 

"Thin line between love and hate.."

When we love someone in a romantic (marked by the imaginative or emotional appeal of what is heroic, adventurous, remote, mysterious, or idealized) way we assign a completely different set of rules, roles and regulations then we do when our love for some is general  so to speak.
With "Romance" comes idealistic views of "Death do us part" "Us against the world" "The one and only for me", "Keeping others out of your relationship" and other thoughts that create a bubble for those in the relationship.  That bubble can be a protective force or an isolating force.  When it is protective it shields those involved from unnecessary drama and harm.  However when it is isolating it prevents growth, advancement and shields those involved from "external" help. 
If all parties involved (mono or poly) are mature, nurturing, loving and have mutual respect for all, the relationship can be a thing of such beauty and joy that it seems like  a real life fairytale.  If those involved are jealous, controlling, immature or insecure it is a ticking time bomb that in most cases leaves to abuse and violence.

"Bust the windows out your car"

When we invest our time, feelings, money, energy, heart and soul into something expecting a certain outcome and we don't get it our passion can quickly turn to rage if unchecked.  Not to mention that violence as a means of conflict resolution is highly promoted and reinforced in this society.  That combined with the notion  that we have to MAKE people respect us is a recipe of a domestic violence cocktail.  We began to accept the overly emotional way of dealing with issues (fighting, arguing, throwing things, having tantrums and fall outs....) in romantic love as natural and normal and it is not. Then we add sex and physical intimacy to already volatile circumstances which just heightens the issues with in the relationship.  We need to REevaluate how we can operate in a kinder, calmer, loving and nurturing manner when faced with issues in a "romantic" context and how we can build healthier bombs with one another that to not denigrate to barbaric ways of operating.

This is meant to open the conversations about "romantic" love and how the standards behind it lead to some very unhealthy situations and outcomes. 

What are your thoughts? 

Lets discuss "White privilege"

White privilege is a nice way of speaking to the profit that raping, pillaging, kidnapping, murdering, terrorizing, incarcerating, and enslaving African Americans (and the natives of this land) and institutionalized oppression has had on the success of america and white Americans.
America was built by the blood, sweat, tears and free forced labor of people of color, in particular enslaved Africans.  Yet no restitution was ever given for the centuries of free forced labor or systematic profiting from oppression or as it is called today “White privilege”
Let’s review the enslavement of Africans
Afrikans were kidnapped, held captive and forced to work the land, raise white children, build railroads, develop technology, manufacture products, provide the labor for europeans americans to solely profit and benefit from.  For centuries the labor, inventions, intelligences, products and medical advances of Africans (Blacks) in America have been forcefully taken and usurped by Europeans (White) in America.  
When Africans were freed from chattel slavery, they were terrorized, forced to work for unequally low wages, unjustly incarcerated and made to work on chain gangs and in mines essentially "legally" finding ways to keep them enslaved, raped, lynched and subjected to other atrocities. As Africans began to establish "free towns" Europeans would steal their products, ransack their stores and schools, kill the people and in many instances burn down entire towns. African Americans were forbidden (socially, politically and economically) to be a part of american society that prospered due to centuries of their labor. 

 “Though sadistic and macabre, the plain truth is that slavery was an unprecedented economic juggernaut whose impact is still lived by each of us daily. Consequently, here’s my top-10 list of things everyone should know about the economic roots of slavery:

1) Slavery laid the foundation for the modern international economic system.
2) Africans’ economic skills were a leading reason for their enslavement.
3) African know-how transformed slave economies into some of the wealthiest on the planet.
4) Until it was destroyed by the Civil War, slavery made the American South the richest and most powerful region in America.
5) Defense of slavery, more than taxes, was pivotal to America’s declaration of independence.
6) The brutalization and psychological torture of slaves was designed to ensure that plantations stayed in the black financially.
7) The economic success of former slaves during Reconstruction led to the rise of the Ku Klux Klan.
8) The desire to maintain economic oppression is why the South was one of the most anti-tax regions of the nation.
9) Many firms on Wall Street made fortunes from funding the slave trade.
10) The wealth gap between whites and blacks, the result of slavery, has yet to be closed.”  http://colorlines.com/archives/2013/01/10_things_django_wont_tell_you_about_slavery.html
 

 

White priviledge is not just economic, it is also social, political, systematic and institutional. It is the woven in the very fiber of “The ameican dream” it is the “glass ceiling”.

“….I went on to attain what is, by anyone’s measure, an elite education: Hotchkiss, Harvard, Columbia Business School . I’ve worked for some of the blue-chippiest companies on the planet, beginning with the one that pretty much defined the concept of Wall Street. Started from the bottom, now we’re blah, blah, blah. Except it’s not true.

Despite my inscrutable educational accomplishments, obvious intellectual curiosity, well-documented affability, and noted charm (ask somebody and see if you ain’t heard), since my early career days I’ve felt the imposing presence of The Cage. DuBois called it The Veil, others refer to it as The Glass Ceiling. Pick a nominal metaphor. The point is, it sucks, and I use that word deliberately. As a black person in the U.S. , it’s all around you: a cage initially fortified by blatant racism, now maintained by the institutional variety and reinforced by the ignorance of its passive beneficiaries. You can feel it, even if your face isn’t actually smashing into it at that very moment, and the cold realization that you can only move but so far begins to suck the very life out of you….” http://recognizeandrealize.com/2013/10/11/king-kong-kanye-and-me/

White privilege is what depicts black men as “scary, thugs, violent, criminals, etc.” and causes black boys to be taught how to not be threatening.

“I am always careful to be polite to everyone. As a black man in America I have been groomed to be this way... even just walking down the street. BC I can be scary just being myself.”  http://seasonedcynicism.blogspot.com/?zx=cdf79977cb69f043

White privilege is what dictates that natural black hair is “unprofessional, ethnic, unkempt, faddish or unacceptable”. It is why acceptable standards of beauty don't include black features

http://www.msnbc.com/melissa-harris-perry/black-girl-whose-hair-was-deemed

White privilege is why social networks exploded with "Solidarity is for white women" because of the homogeneity of feminism.  It is why white feminist will fight against gender issues and ignore racial issues  http://twitchy.com/2013/08/12/twitter-fight-solidarityisforwhitewomen-calls-out-progressives-of-pallor/

White privilege is why the Forefathers of this country are praised as heros and given “national holidays” despite their brutality to natives and afrikans.  http://www.pslweb.org/liberationnews/news/10-10-11-columbus-day-us-capitalism-bu.html

White privilege is what allows for the ignoring of the suffering of blacks in american past, present and future and how it impacts the social, economic and political state of blacks in america http://www.bread.org/what-we-do/resources/fact-sheets/african-american-poverty.pdf

White privilege is not being a victim of the prison to pipeline system.
http://www.naacpldf.org/case/school-prison-pipeline

 

White privilege is having your culture considered the “norm” and not being having the burden of being THE representative for an entire people
“Being able to…

• assume that most of the people you or your children study in history classes and textbooks will be of the same race, gender, or sexual orientation as you are
• assume that your failures will not be attributed to your race, or your gender
• assume that if you work hard and follow the rules, you will get what you deserve
• success without other people being surprised; and without being held to a higher standard
• go out in public without fear of being harassed or constantly worried about physical safety
• not have to think about your race, or your gender, or your sexual orientation, or disabilities, on a daily basis...

http://www.whiteprivilegeconference.com/white_privilege.html

White privilege what causes white people to abandon their humanity and reason when faced with the truth of the atrocities against blacks and cling to their patriotism as a badge of honor instead of working to heal the state of things. It is why our young boys are shot dead in the streets by police and incarated at alarming rates.  It is why black inventors and scholars are not in text books.  It is what allows Tim Wise to profit for saying the same things Jesse Jackson, Cornel West, Al Sharpton and other black leaders are demonized for. It is why restitution has not been made to the people of color who toiled this land and built this country.  It is the sick feeling in the pit of the belly of a white person when they read this and fly into rage and defensiveness.  It is what makes white people think that stealing this land and enslaving black people cause this land to be theirs.  It is why the responsibility to heal and end racism is solely placed on the shoulders of the ones who suffer from it daily. It is why many whites are more concerned about how THEY feel about what has been done to blacks in America than how blacks have suffered.

I encourage EVERYONE who reads this to ponder this deeply and consider how can we move forward from this collectively.  How can blacks heal from these atrocities and how can whites end the cycle and help in that healing. It is time to stop blaming and feeding on the "crabs in the barrel", break the barrel and help them back into the water. 

As always keep your head held high as we move forward to make this world a better place.

 

 

 

What's missing? A conversation about relations and sex....

Kita:     …..having no physical outlet is not helping. I may take kickboxing.

Milele:  You need to stop playing and get you some lol

Kita:     The few men I am attracted too are not reciprocating my energy so I wait. I can't do anymore bad sex. EVER

Milele:  Bad sex sucks and not in the good way

Kita:     Right. So I can have my choice of bad sex or wait for meaningful sex. I gave all the loving away I need too for a lifetime.

Milele:  Wait bad sex can be meaningful and meaningful sex can be bad. Sex is like having a meal. What you put into it is what you get out of it.  Men often enjoy sex more simply because they don’t hold back. They put their all into enjoying it and reaching orgasm. That is why most of them have sex... to cum. We as women often do it for "deeper" reasons that go beyond the cumming. At times we will even forgo the orgasm for the physical and emotional closeness

Kita:     Not always. It's the sex talk. Pre, during and post. The mind sex often can hurt the actual sex.  I feel far too often men won't just be honest. "I like you and would love to share my body with you." Instead they "play date" you and feed you all the ideals of a relationship with no actual intention of having one.  I know that at this age I can't have sex without feelings. I don't work that way, some can.  But what I can work with is honesty.

Milele:  Because the majority of women would not just go for that type of honesty. At first we may be down but eventually we would "want more" so they try to appease us while getting what they want as well

Kita:     If you want a physical friendship say so. No games or BS. More women want them than men think.

Milele:  Most men want "something deeper" too they just aren’t taught how to find that in things other than sex

Kita:     Yes' we want an emotional connection that is something that will happen organically with two individuals.

Milele:  It is something that SHOULD happen organically but if the individuals aren’t on the same wave it will cause problems

Kita:     But I feel the biggest problem is peoples fear to be themselves. Some of us are very sexual beings and if that is done in a healthy way it is great. But many lie there way into peoples minds and beds just to CUM. SMH

Milele:  It is fear AND  lack of knowledge of who they are

Kita:     That is the issue. Many of us (single people) are still in fear of being our true selves. Of healing from our past and not using it as a guide book.

Milele:  It isn’t just single people. It is all of us. Being in a relationship is NO indication of personal growth.

Kita:     That's true.

Milele:  Just like not being in one is not an indication of a lack a development

Kita:     Dysfunctional relationships are all the rave now.

Milele:  Consider this….. Most people who are considered "spiritual, enlightened" aren’t married, those who are do not put their relationships first. Personal development is what should come first as you grow those around you grow

Kita:     I can count on one hand the actual enlightened people I know. Some are working toward enlightenment and others are the walking dead

Milele:  I’m speaking of monks, nuns, "holy" people who dedicate their life to personal development and the development of others

Kita:     Awww… There are non holy people who do the same. I am very selective who I share with and why. Sex is more that a series of temporary sensations for me.

Milele:  Again we are all bumping around in a box that doesn’t fit trying to find love, joy and happiness in a society that doesn’t promote that.  Think of the story you had me read; the couple were the same two people. What changed was their environment *I really did like the story* when they got anyway from the bullshit of THIS society they began to change. THEN their relationship got better

Kita:     I knew you would like the story. I thought of you when I reread it and had to share it.

But today people seem to live for the BS.  They social network about it, they watch and read it and when there is a lull they create it.  What happened? We all wanted to get along at one point now all people seem to want is to fuck and fuck over people

Milele:  Because this is all they know. Until something or someone opens theirs eyes to something different.  People are by nature good. Put them in positive surroundings and you will see a change

Kita:     See that statement "we are good by nature" often feels like BS. I know that we are all naturally loving and good but why do we lose that for tangible things and false ideals.

Milele:  Because we are TAUGHT to. It isn’t by accident. It is systematic and strategic.  Think of the 30 days of positivity. Some people really struggled with posting daily or even thinking of some things as positive but as time went on everyone was able to find something to share or write about.  That is a victory!  So understand that YOU have changed and become more sensitive and grown. You are in transition, and while you are, things won’t always be comfortable; but keep your goal in mind and stay focused. What/who you need will come

Kita:     Transition is a hard and very raw place to be in. I am aware and far too sensitive to all things so I help but I also guard myself and my heart.

Milele:  That is your first mistake thinking you are too sensitive. You are not. We desensitize ourselves because of fear and phantom pains

Kita:     Nurture killed nature for many.

Milele:  Not at all

Kita:     Explain... Why, you do feel, nurture didn't kill nature?

Milele:  Because our nature is to nurture.  We by nature are loving, nurturing beings.

Kita:     Indeed

Milele:  Society molds us from birth to be what it wants us to be. Schools, media, churches, etc. guide how we behave in order to cultivate the type of person it wants.  We must ALWAYS remember this We are not what's fucked up, this society we live in is the problem.  Once we understand that we can work to be fully who and how we truly are with each other

Kita:     True. I think that's why I do the 30 days. I often watch my FB timeline and see that positive energy is needed for me and others. So I start a challenge. I find people who are like minded and put it out there. It's for me more than anyone else could ever know.

Milele:  And it is for everyone else more than you could know ;)

Kita:  : ) I know. My friend request shows that too.

Milele:  Indeed

Kita:     Until I find a spirit worthy of my energy I will keep it to myself. But celibacy is hard but not impossible.

Milele: Yet