What's missing? A conversation about relations and sex....

Kita:     …..having no physical outlet is not helping. I may take kickboxing.

Milele:  You need to stop playing and get you some lol

Kita:     The few men I am attracted too are not reciprocating my energy so I wait. I can't do anymore bad sex. EVER

Milele:  Bad sex sucks and not in the good way

Kita:     Right. So I can have my choice of bad sex or wait for meaningful sex. I gave all the loving away I need too for a lifetime.

Milele:  Wait bad sex can be meaningful and meaningful sex can be bad. Sex is like having a meal. What you put into it is what you get out of it.  Men often enjoy sex more simply because they don’t hold back. They put their all into enjoying it and reaching orgasm. That is why most of them have sex... to cum. We as women often do it for "deeper" reasons that go beyond the cumming. At times we will even forgo the orgasm for the physical and emotional closeness

Kita:     Not always. It's the sex talk. Pre, during and post. The mind sex often can hurt the actual sex.  I feel far too often men won't just be honest. "I like you and would love to share my body with you." Instead they "play date" you and feed you all the ideals of a relationship with no actual intention of having one.  I know that at this age I can't have sex without feelings. I don't work that way, some can.  But what I can work with is honesty.

Milele:  Because the majority of women would not just go for that type of honesty. At first we may be down but eventually we would "want more" so they try to appease us while getting what they want as well

Kita:     If you want a physical friendship say so. No games or BS. More women want them than men think.

Milele:  Most men want "something deeper" too they just aren’t taught how to find that in things other than sex

Kita:     Yes' we want an emotional connection that is something that will happen organically with two individuals.

Milele:  It is something that SHOULD happen organically but if the individuals aren’t on the same wave it will cause problems

Kita:     But I feel the biggest problem is peoples fear to be themselves. Some of us are very sexual beings and if that is done in a healthy way it is great. But many lie there way into peoples minds and beds just to CUM. SMH

Milele:  It is fear AND  lack of knowledge of who they are

Kita:     That is the issue. Many of us (single people) are still in fear of being our true selves. Of healing from our past and not using it as a guide book.

Milele:  It isn’t just single people. It is all of us. Being in a relationship is NO indication of personal growth.

Kita:     That's true.

Milele:  Just like not being in one is not an indication of a lack a development

Kita:     Dysfunctional relationships are all the rave now.

Milele:  Consider this….. Most people who are considered "spiritual, enlightened" aren’t married, those who are do not put their relationships first. Personal development is what should come first as you grow those around you grow

Kita:     I can count on one hand the actual enlightened people I know. Some are working toward enlightenment and others are the walking dead

Milele:  I’m speaking of monks, nuns, "holy" people who dedicate their life to personal development and the development of others

Kita:     Awww… There are non holy people who do the same. I am very selective who I share with and why. Sex is more that a series of temporary sensations for me.

Milele:  Again we are all bumping around in a box that doesn’t fit trying to find love, joy and happiness in a society that doesn’t promote that.  Think of the story you had me read; the couple were the same two people. What changed was their environment *I really did like the story* when they got anyway from the bullshit of THIS society they began to change. THEN their relationship got better

Kita:     I knew you would like the story. I thought of you when I reread it and had to share it.

But today people seem to live for the BS.  They social network about it, they watch and read it and when there is a lull they create it.  What happened? We all wanted to get along at one point now all people seem to want is to fuck and fuck over people

Milele:  Because this is all they know. Until something or someone opens theirs eyes to something different.  People are by nature good. Put them in positive surroundings and you will see a change

Kita:     See that statement "we are good by nature" often feels like BS. I know that we are all naturally loving and good but why do we lose that for tangible things and false ideals.

Milele:  Because we are TAUGHT to. It isn’t by accident. It is systematic and strategic.  Think of the 30 days of positivity. Some people really struggled with posting daily or even thinking of some things as positive but as time went on everyone was able to find something to share or write about.  That is a victory!  So understand that YOU have changed and become more sensitive and grown. You are in transition, and while you are, things won’t always be comfortable; but keep your goal in mind and stay focused. What/who you need will come

Kita:     Transition is a hard and very raw place to be in. I am aware and far too sensitive to all things so I help but I also guard myself and my heart.

Milele:  That is your first mistake thinking you are too sensitive. You are not. We desensitize ourselves because of fear and phantom pains

Kita:     Nurture killed nature for many.

Milele:  Not at all

Kita:     Explain... Why, you do feel, nurture didn't kill nature?

Milele:  Because our nature is to nurture.  We by nature are loving, nurturing beings.

Kita:     Indeed

Milele:  Society molds us from birth to be what it wants us to be. Schools, media, churches, etc. guide how we behave in order to cultivate the type of person it wants.  We must ALWAYS remember this We are not what's fucked up, this society we live in is the problem.  Once we understand that we can work to be fully who and how we truly are with each other

Kita:     True. I think that's why I do the 30 days. I often watch my FB timeline and see that positive energy is needed for me and others. So I start a challenge. I find people who are like minded and put it out there. It's for me more than anyone else could ever know.

Milele:  And it is for everyone else more than you could know ;)

Kita:  : ) I know. My friend request shows that too.

Milele:  Indeed

Kita:     Until I find a spirit worthy of my energy I will keep it to myself. But celibacy is hard but not impossible.

Milele: Yet

Sex talk: What are we REALLY saying?

I was having a conversation with a friend about “Sex talk” and the rules surrounding it.

It was a very spirited and funny conversation.  It made me think of all my encounters past present and future and laugh a good belly laugh. There is something about being in the throes of arousal and pleasure that causes us (all of us) to string words together so eloquently.  Most of us understand that “sex talk” should be taken seriously DURING intercourse but should be taken very lightly at any other time. That does not mean the person who is “sex talking” is being dishonest, but, like any other intoxicant, sex causes the brain to respond to stimuli in a less that normal manner.  For example if someone were to ummmm lets say put their hands gingerly around your throat (randomly popped in my head)  while you were somewhere in a common setting (work, school, meetings) the response would be different than if someone were to do it during intercourse. Sex Talk should not be confused with talking about sex,although talking about sex could naturally lead to “sex talk” if done correctly. 
Sex Talk: conversation that occurs during foreplay, sexual intercourse (blending) of any kind and occasionally immediately following. 

Common standard phrases with translation

 

I love you
1.) I love how I am feeling with you…. Right now
2.) These sensations are causing a spike in my emotional capacity
3.) I am fond of you
3.) I actually love you (not likely)

Put it in!

Although I am sure that you plan on penetration happening during this session I would like for you to do that sooner rather than later.  Like right now!

Im about to cum/Im cumming

For men it simply means the man is about to cum or is in the process of cumming.
For women it means: if you continue to do EXACTLY what you are doing for an extended period of time I will eventually have and orgasm. Usually followed or preceded by “Don’t stop”

It’s yours

I am enjoying what you are doing so much that I would like for you to be the one to do it again.

I’m yours

Im yours…… right now (this is a time sensitive statement)

You’re the best (I have ever had)

You are performing very well at this moment. (Also time sensitive)

Don’t stop

Don’t fucking stop or don’t stop fucking depending on how you want to look at it.
*note* Don’t stop refers to the EXACT thing you are doing at the time it is said.  This is not the time to be creative and throw in a new move. Don’t stop is usually followed by Im about to cum (see instructions above)

Ride it!

Generally used by men to express the desire for their partner to straddle them and move rhythmically up and down on their penis.

Eat it!

Generally used by women to express the desire for cunnilingus to be performed well

Suck it!
Generally used by men to express the desire for fellatio to be performed well

Oooohhh *insert explicative*

I really like that

It’s talking to you/ It’s talking to me (“She” can be used interchangeably)

Because of the actions that are currently taking place there are sounds that are being produced that would not normally be audible

Did you get bigger?  It feels like you are bigger.

That statement refers to the penis and is used as an indication of 1.)A distinct feeling that may not have been felt before 2.) The penis is more erect that usual 3.) The penis is causing pleasure that is larger that life 4.) Pain; not enough pain to stop but to possibly ease up

Common “do harm to me” phrases with translation

“Do harm to me” as I like to call them are phrases that are given in “instruction” form.  These phrases state an action that the speaker would like for their partner to do at the time of intercourse.  There are too many to cover but several are listed below

Choke me

Slap me
Spank me
Pull my hair
Bite me
______ me harder (can be borderline)
Pound it! Hit it! Beat it up! (referring to the use of the penis as a thrusting devise)

*Note* translations can very depending on situations.  Also if you feel the need to defend your “sex talk” you need some help this is for fun

Feel free to add more this is a continuous post and more will be translated later

"UIB interviews author, Milele, about her book, "Confessions of a Faithful Woman."

Please take a moment (bout 30 min) to listen to the open interview about love, sex, relationships, spirit, oppression and so much more. As I prepare the second book in the "Confessions..." series I would like for you to get to know me better.

Feel free to leave your comments or questions or opinion I LOVE hearing from each of you.

As always I appreciate everyone who takes their time out.

Share with me...

"Not into THAT kinda stuff..."

It is always interesting to me when I hear people speak about how they are "not into THAT kinda stuff" when it comes to their "sexuality". What puzzles me more is "THAT kinda stuff" usually refers to making the experience more natural, holistic, loving, spiritually connected and human. Let’s face it…

WE ALL HAVE SEX or PLAN TO HAVE sex one day and EVERYONE KNOWS EVERYONE IS DOING IT.

So why are we hesitant to talk about it, explore it, use the energy, share it, honor it? 

We have been taught it is “bad, dirty, deprived, perverted, etc” AND we continue to accept those perspectives as reality.  When we see a child touching themselves and others we reprimand them and teach them that is “bad or a no-no” yet we expect them to later readjust their thinking to be in a healthy sexual relationship with another human being.  We wont even touch on the fact that must of us are “Conditioned to be unhappy” *later blog post :)* 

So since I wrote a book about it I think that we should talk about it.  Actually it is the other way around, I thought we should talk about it and feel good about it so I wrote a book about it.

Well let’s break it all the way down and get the root of things…. Sex the way we use it is slang.  The Etymology of the word is as follows:

 1382, from Middle French sexe, from Latin sexus (“gender”). Thought to be connected with Latin seco, secare (“divide, cut”) by the concept of division, or 'half' of the racelate 14c., "males or females collectively," from L. sexus "state of being either male or female, gender." "Commonly taken with seco as division or 'half' of the race" [Tucker], which would connect it to secare "to divide or cut" (see section). Meaning "quality of being male or female" first recorded 1520s. Meaning "sexual intercourse" first attested 1929

Not to get too heavy in to it but “sex” refers to gender so we all have “sex”.  From birth we have “sex” or a “sex”.  What we call sex is really coitus but wait… that only refers to penis into vagina and we ALL know what we do it more than that (it is ok to laugh).  Sexual intercourse wasn’t used to 1929 yes 1929 and we all know humans have been “having sex” since the beginning of time

My point is let it go… “Sex” is a misnomer.  It is a word that we use to express the joining of divine energies.  I like to refer to it as “blending or engaging or even intercourse”. 

It is a wonderful journey of enjoyment, arousal, excitement, recreation, procreation and enlightening to be experienced by EVERY human being in some shape form or fashion.

When you are “not into THAT kinda stuff” you are not into understand The Universe and your role in it. You are not into experiencing the essence of another and sharing yours with them. You are not into tapping into The Creator and the divine understanding that cums with a *Cosmic Orgasm* (later post). You are not into tapping into your divine self. You are not into healing, enlightenment and evolution. You are not into blending with a another human to the point of ecstatic pleasure.  YOU’RE NOT INTO THAT????

Ohhhh….right “That’s not sex… it is something else” Well maybe we ALL need to be doing “something else” and not “having sex”.

A wise person once said (something like) “You have sex like you live.” 

How are you living?  How do you have sex?  

Me...? Open, loving, unfettered and wonderfully!!!!!

*Excerpt* Untitled

I started this blog to share my work as a friend suggested I do before publishing.  And I have done everything BUT that *shrug* until now....

Having completed the massage he laid next to her and she began to strum her fingers across his tekken causing it to jump with anticipation.  She guided his hand across her breast down her stomach to her waist beads “You can touch them.”  His pupils widened with surprise and excitement as he ran his hand across them.  Instantly he felt a surge of energy, emotion, awareness, heat and cold flash over him and she was able to feel his divinity.  At that point the blending began her juice drenched her legs and the bed as his hardness grew greater.  There was a slight fear in the air on both of their parts; it wasn’t enough to stop the train of energy that had been set into motion.  His tongue met and parted hers to reveal a warm sweetness that was intoxicating.  It felt as if the room was spinning and her only stability was his touch.  As he delved deeper into her he lost all time, space and reason.  The world around them shifted and faded in and out of existence.  They could barely feel each others touch only the waves, surges, pulses and rushes of arousal that streamed freely.  At the point of insertion their pleasure ascended to a new height and they pulled each other closer as if trying to unite, combine, blend, meld and merge.  His in and outs were causing her to come undone.  It was impossible for either of them to focus on or lessen the effect of the other.  As their bodies suspended above the bed they switched position like hieroglyphs telling the story of the stars being created.  His pressing deeper her holding tighter, drops of sweat fell upwards hit the ceiling as they lowered to the bed.  Her legs wrapped around his waist tightly as he lifted her off the bed and set her on the dresser and continued exploring.  As the candles hit the floor the crystal stick clinked, the wick extinguished, wax spilled and darkness feel upon the room. “Tell me what you see.” Fell from her lips.  He opened his eyes and stared into her face which was blurry at first then seemed to disappear.   “Can you see me, do know who I am?”  She grabbed the back of his neck as he continued pushing, thrusting, sliding and expanding inside of her....

Soul food "Metaphorically eating"

I have come to a deeper understanding of many things about myself.  One of the main things that is blasting in my universal Ipod is "at different stages in my life, different things feed me." Pretty simple concept, right?  In the past I would have remorse or regret when situations, people, jobs, tendencies, etc would come to their end in my life. Now I understand that in order for me to feed the spirit and energy of the woman I am at this moment requires something different from the last moment and the next moment may require yet another change.  I hold on to the beauty of the past "meals" and recognize the impact they had on my body, mind and soul. 
Ive come to a place of cleansing, well, clearing out my kitchen of things that no longer fit my current diet.  I am eating healthy, working out and drinking enough water to improve and maintain my Divine physique. Im reading labels and checking the nutritional value of EVERYTHING I consume. And even though I still desire and crave some of my past favorite guilty pleasures (yeah Im heavy on the metaphors today) I no longer indulge in them.
What feeds me now is being at my best: mentally, physically and spiritually.  Even though the pain of getting in shape lingers for days at a time, the pleasure of being in shape is worth it.  Im getting where I need to be and making choices that allow me not to only get healthy but to stay that way.  No "quick fixes" or "easy ways out" and I am working hard now so that I may enjoy my play time to the fullest without stress or regret.  Many  people close to me are on the same diet so we are able to break bread together and enjoy the fruits of our labor .  Others are not and although there is no love lost we can no longer eat off the same plate.
I encourage us all to constantly rerere-evaluate ourselves and improve at every moment of every day!
How is your soul food?

In an instant everything changed....

I recently sat down and had a talk with ME about Being me.  The talk was provoked by a feeling.... Something just ain't right.  Not something physical or even tangible but there was something that I was missing or over looking.  I took a step back and considered who I am.  Again Having had several things in my life come full circle led me to a state of resolve and understanding.   Entering my fourth year of coming forth, sixth year of marriage, ninth year as a mother, 13th year as an initiated woman, 18th year as a mentor and 34rd year on this planet I have over 80 years of experiences under my belt. I re-realize I have to let myself and others evolve past what is comfortable and familiar. Often I'm limited by my own limitations.  But the truth is EVERY thing/one MUST continue to evolve, adapt, grow, develop, change or else die.  At times it is scary considering how my relationships will change as I change and if I will feel the same for "loved" ones..... Even scarier will they feel the same about me.  Am I allowed to grow, to change my mind, to become someone different, to make a different decision, to admit I was wrong, to love or no longer love?  As I sat there everything changed for me in an instant.  I became unafraid to be ME.  I gave honor to my love and those I love.  I decided to be completely different while remaining the same.  It has changed the hue of my life..... AGAIN.  
Now, I am adjusting the things in my life to fit ME.
If you have been where I've been or you are on that journey I know you feel me,  if you are not, know that I feel you.
Love and light

Open Letter to my beautiful sisters....

Dear Sister:
I know your schedule is busy so I will keep this short.  Woman to woman I wanted to say I love and appreciate you.  The way The Creator has manifested as you is more powerful and stunning than The Seven Wonders of the Ancient World.  So often I forget to tell you how wonderful and meaningful you are to me and there are times when I don't show you how much I recognize your worth... I apologize for that.  My spirit soars ever time I see you smiling and I am enamored by your beautiful energy.  Remembering your strength and endurance allows me to make it through the toughest times.  Your spirit echos through centuries of triumphs and victories. My love for you flows from the highest peaks flooding the deepest valleys. 
I hold you in my arms embracing your spirit assuring you that everything in Creation will understand and honor your existence.  I will see to it.


Love Always,

Your Sister Milele

From the Universe through you... inspired by floacist

As a poet, I have an acknowledged connection to every line that I have written! Would you mind sharing your thoughts and connections to the lines that I have written that mean something to you and why. I'd be honored to know Floacist

Okay Let's go with ALL the lyrics to "Need You". I'll let you read them (shortened) before I start

Need You lyrics
Why why I why I feel so needy? When I'm so powerful.... I'm power filled
Me she I sometimes I reach out for you. I know I should be on my own... Cause I'm grown
You don't have to be anywhere for me I want you to do what you have to do (Be happy baby)
You don't have to be anywhere for me I want you to do what you have to do (I'm gonna do the same too)
You be there when I need you even, if you cannot come when I call you. Simply means that I can handle this without you... and I know that next I see you it will be just when I need you
I'm acting like I'm someone else some someone else, some kind of "excuse me please have you seen my mind I'm trying to find it"
I'm acting like I'm on a shelf waiting to be purchased like my best before is the best in store and I'm a product of myself
You don't have to be anywhere for me I want you to do what you have to do (Be happy baby)
You don't have to be anywhere for me I want you to do what you have to do (I've got things to do too)
You be there when I need you even, if you cannot come when I call you. Simply means that I can handle this without you....and I know that next I see you it will be just when I need you
I think I got lost somewhere inside my emancipation... this fascination with unification has become a bit of an obsession...................................that's my confession
I'm going to approach this differently. I'm feeling solutionary, don't be afraid of me, you're yet to see how free looks like on me.
You be there when I need you even, if you cannot come when I call you
Simply means that I can handle this without you
and I know that next I see you it will be just when I need you

The first time i heard this song my spirit whispered "Listen...." I could go line by line word for word with this one!!!!!!! But I'll keep it simple. We so often allow ourselves to feel lonely, neglected or abandoned not seeing the beauty in what we do have. We give our "power" away without accepting the beauty that replaces it. This song (poem) to me shows the self discovery which comes with the unconditional, cosmic, righteous, revolutionary love that we all seek. It shows how your power comes in full understanding and acceptance of where you are, where you have been and where you are going emotionally/spiritually. It also honors the freedom of the ones we love/desire to exist how they exist and still be exactly right for us. It empowers the spirit to be vulnerable yet strong enough to handle things. It speaks of how our receptive, flexible feminine energy allows us to nurture ourselves and our loved one SIMULTANEOUSLY!!! It speaks of the dichotomy of being completely joined and separate entities that are complimentary, opposing, weakening and strengthening. The words powerfully state that everyone's freedom is their own, everyone brings something unique and wonderful to the Universe and until we tap into a persons freedom/spirit we don't know how it will impact us.....The simple complexity of Universal Love.
I also love that it indirectly/directly says what we are so often too ashamed to say: I need you.
Tweet

Infatuation or Real Love?

Uhh, yeah, love
You know we always, we always talkin ’bout love
We always thinkin ’bout it y’know
I’m in love, I want love, I need love, whatever
But like sometimes I wonder
With all the hurt and pain that people that supposedly love you put you through
Is that really love?- Phonte of Little Brother- “That Aint Love”

Have you ever been totally enthralled with someone and began to feel that you maybe in love with the person? The question is how do you know if you truly are in love with this person or it is just infatuation?

Most human beings have an inner desire to love and to be loved. Some people may hoot and holler that they don’t need love but we all want some kind of affection and feeling of self-worth. Many people find this love by giving and service to people. Others find this love by being there for family and friends. But, the way that most people search for this love connection is through romantic relationships (See “Soul Mate or Just Mate”)

We constantly search for that “one” person that we can love and truly love us. This search and journey for this love has many winding turns and bumpy words. We go through this journey being hurt and inflicting hurt. There are so many questions to be asked about why we do what we do when it comes to relationships. Many of the things we do within relationships are innately apart of us through. These experiences come from our parental involvement all the way to the way the pretty girl in high school may have dissed us in front of the school assembly.

What is Infatuation?

There are some feelings we have when infatuated that we don’t have when we’re feeling love. Some of the “symptoms” of infatuation are; feelings of panic, uncertainty, overpowering lust, feverish excitement, impatience, and/or jealously.

When infatuated, we are thrilled, but not happy, wanting to trust, yet suspicious. There are lingering, nagging doubts about our “partner in infatuation” and their love for us. We’re miserable when they’re away, almost like we’re not complete unless we’re with them. It’s a rush and it’s intense. It’s difficult to concentrate. And most infatuation relationships have a high degree of sexual charge around them. Somehow being with them is not complete unless in ends in some type of sexual encounter. (Source)

We as people many times flow from relationship to relationship constantly taking on more baggage or dirt on to or soul or spirit because the failures of past relationships. The true thing one has to think about in concerns of knowing if you are infatuated with someone or truly in love is self-consciousness. In one of my previous posts “The Relationship Credit Score” I talk about how we need to look internally to find out who we are just as much as we need to look at the person sitting across the table from us at dinner.

Think about it like this? Have you ever broken up with someone and instead of sitting back reflecting on who you are as a person…you jump right back into another relationship. Have you really thought about whom you are as a person and who you are after this relationship? Many of us don’t realize this and just feel if we find someone else to hold us at night that it will solve all our problems. Jumping directly into a relationship is not the way to escape oneself. It is the worst thing you can do. All relationships are a mirror and all the bad characteristics of yourself will be shown to you in a relationship. So, in essence if you are running away from yourself going into a relationship is the last thing you need to do.

Love itself is hard to definitively hold on too because everyone has different levels and ideals of love. Dr. Gary Chapman with his world renown books “The 5 Love Languages” writes that we all love in different ways and that the way to understand true love is to understand how we love and how others love. The five ways of loving are:

• Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

• Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

• Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

• Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

• Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

As you can see the way we love can in some many ways with so many reactions. Learning more about oneself and the aspect of love will begin to help one differentiate between infatuation and real love. This infatuation can make us become as crazy as a patient in “One Who Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”. We have to be more in tune with who we are and be able to recognize truly what we need from love and not what we want from love. As soon as we find out about how we Love and want to be loved we can begin to find if we are in love are just “infatuated” with a person. With all the distractions and manipulator images in the world we need self-reflection more than ever because if we don’t we continuously get swallowed into the abyss called Infatuation instead of finding real love.

You can peep more of Diggame (via twitter @Diggame) and www.ashy2classy.net

My music expresses my spirit… (Run-on sentences allowed)

When I was younger I had more time, less worries and the notion to take time for me. I would turn my ringer off, take a nice hot bath, rub olive oil and aloe over my skin slowly, enjoying the imperfections that made me unique, light my candles and incense then lay wrapped in my Afrikan cloth in my shrine room and turn on my six disk cd changer. Whether it was Desire, Zhane, Dead Prez, Prince, Badu, Take six, Goodie Mob or Outkast (just to name a very few) the music always whispered exactly how I was feeling and what I needed to hear. It became a rite for me. I was often inspired to write or draw as images danced across my mind and my body became aware of itself. Occasionally I would selfishly share my music with others in crowded clubs, trendy lofts, spoken word sets, in the park on Sundays, on the Riverfront or puff, puff, passing it from friend to friend always keeping the deeper meanings to myself. Even prompts “Wow, you are really feeling it; What are you smiling for; What’s on YOUR mind, etc. etc. etc.” Could not, can not, get me to reveal my secret rites that my music initiated me through. Even if I wanted to share how would I explain that it’s: the beat, the words, the tears, the memories, the look in someone else’s eyes, the laughs, the sway of my hips, the taste of the wine, the gentle breeze, the rain playing percussion in the background, the circumstances in which I heard it, the shadow-ballet on the wall, the moans, the way I lost it and found it again, the home made meal, the girls night out, the scent in the air, the “when I grow up” pacts I made, or any combination of it.
Even right now as Syleste-Omar ~Naïve plays in my ear I can not in words express what this means to me. If I took you step by step there would still be more… I would have to give you almost my whole life story to explain *SIGH*
So if I am listening to my music -whether you know it or not- and I seem a bit aloof, enthralled or distance just know it’s nothing personal about you…
It’s all about me and my music.