Dear Milele,
I felt the need to write you about my situation and how you
helped. Here it goes………
It’s as easy as
riding a bike
People use this phrase to describe many things like driving a
car, tying your shoes, even having sex but for some once you decide you like to
be tied up and told how to ride the bike, going to just regular riding is a bit
hard. See I was in an S&M relationship for several years; after the
“Shades” book series or reading ZANE which many of you should be familiar with
it. S&M: the terms sadist and masochist
specifically refer to one who either enjoys giving pain (sadist), or one who
enjoys receiving pain (masochist), many practitioners of sadomasochism describe
themselves as at least something of a switch, or someone who can receive
pleasure from either inflicting or receiving pain. I was a submissive and he
was dominating the majority of the time. Sometimes the roles would change. This means that the majority of our sexual
encounters where situations created by him. I was told what to wear, how to
stand and what to do. I enjoyed the role play and being tied up and spanked.
For me this had become “normal” sex. I was accustomed to receiving a text that
would say. “On Friday at 10:00 a.m. have on a white button front shirt
with tie and a red bra. Your hair must
be able to be held or grabbed, knee length socks and black heels. Sit on the kitchen chair on your behind with
your hands on your knees: palms up. If
you don’t do as told you will be spanked with the item of my choosing.” I grew to love this. It was fun, freeing and
exciting. After the relationship ended I
started to date again only to end up not feeling sexually fulfilled. Many of
the men didn’t like that type of thing or I just didn’t bring it up out of
fear. With these issues I chose to be
celibate. So now I have to figure out how to introduce my partner into my bike
riding style. I was sexually frustrated
and feeling hopeless then one day this very blog helped me. Milele: You said
the following “Wait… bad sex can be meaningful and meaningful sex can be
bad. Sex is like having a meal. What you put into it is what you get out of
it.” I realized I never told my severer how
I like my dish, just that I wanted it. So from here on forward my bike ride
will come with full detailed instructions to ensure all participants enjoy the
ride.
I thank you for your blog and book
and your words of motivation and encouragement.
Sincerely,
Optimistic
Bikerider
9 comments:
It truly is as easy as riding a bike. Once you know who you are and what you want, you can effectively communicate that to someone else. Those in the lifestyle (how those who live it refer to it) know that no matter how long your hiatus, you never truly leave. It's in you, apart of who you are. It isn't for everyone as they say, but I believe it to be like sushi: there's a piece of it that everyone will like, they just have to try it. You'd be surprised who's into what once you open up a bit. I hid those parts of myself from nearly everyone I'd ever been with. It east until the last three years that I'd opened up and even mentioned my more questionable interests for fear of judgement. But, hey, I like what I like. Sex is a necessary part of my existence. GREAT sex even more so. So no one should settle for subpar experiences for any reason whatsoever. If you don't have what you want, it's out there. Find it.
The previous comment was from Anthony Stallings Jr. Thank you for responding and allowing me to reveal who you are
I was thinking of this when I read your stories about the woman “breaking” into her boyfriends home and the story where a woman had the experience with the two men. In both of those cases I was aroused but I was slightly uncomfortable with the roughness of the situations. I don’t like pain or to the notion of being forced to have sex. I remember reading something you post awhile ago about women secretly wanting to be dominated. You did not state your opinion which I was hoping you would but it raised an eyebrow for me. I have friends who like it “rough” but for me I just like sex to be more, I don’t know I guess holy. I think that how you have sex is how you live. So is you have painful and demeaning sex doesn’t that spill over into everyday life? I am not judging just asking. Generally speaking I loved all the stories they made me uncomfortable but I was aroused and I like that you focused on some relationship and character building. I am waiting for the next one.
What does your husband think about you talking and writing about this publically?
In response to “ Riddle me this….” I am the writer of this post. I thank you for reading it. The post is about me and not the writer of this blog.
In response to Anthony Stallings Jr.: I am new to this scene and I am learning to be more open in my needs and wants. As easy as people say it is to express yourself for most it’s truly not. It takes time and trust to build those types of relationships in my opinion.
I appreciate your question, and I prefer the moniker of "mate," "partner" or "man;" "husband" has a rather paternalistic connotation that I can't get wit'.
I'm eternally proud of Milele. I have had to grow into her writing experience- certainly, it involves far more than writing- and that's because there were issues within myself that I had yet to challenge. As I am on my own journey to be my greatest Self, Milele and I have always challenged each other to embrace and study what we believe. We find it wise to build our bond on fact and truth, and see untruths for what they are.
Milele is doing what nourishes her spirit, so I'm glad she does. And her work is making us better, so I admire her even more. And personally, her work is helping me be a greater me, which I thank her for.
So what do I think? I think she is intentionally manifesting the Creator in the work she does, and it makes us all better. So I think she's glorious.
In response to Anonymous question “So is you have painful and demeaning sex doesn’t that spill over into everyday life?” No that is only a part of my sexual life. I have never been and do not partake in physically and mentally abusive relationships. I find that often people who don’t agree with these types of lifestyles feel that the participants have been and/or victimized in their everyday life. I find that to be far from the truth. The extent to how the acts take place are dictated by the individuals. There are rules and agreements in place before anything happens. No this is not for everyone and how the act takes place doesn’t make it unholy. It is still a union between two spirits.
I agree, when starting out it can be trying. The bike reference was for those who'd already discovered and had been apart of the lifestyle.
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