Dancing Frees Me

A friend shared with me this piece about the first time they met me...

"She came to dance; alone she took the dance floor.

Like a pendulum her hips swayed,

Sending vibrations stronger than winds from all four corners.

Her neck rolled to the rhythm, head turning freely,

with no concern that she was alone on the dance floor.

Her black is beautiful.

Locs hanging like vines of the jungle as she showed what true nature was.

She danced."

For me dancing is a way of connecting to spirit, healing, releasing, communicating and arousing the energy in myself and others.  From very young we are bobbing our heads, clapping our hands and moving our feet to the beat; it just comes naturally to us.

Throughout history people have used song and dance as intricate parts of their lives and culture to mark and celebrate significant transition in life.  Dancing has also been used to send people into spiritual trance, enlightenment, sacred sexual rites, and as a way to initiate special into different spiritual systems.

If you have come across me around some good music you know that I dance WHEREEVER I am.  Sometimes it is the words, sometimes it is the beat, sometimes it’s the emotions of the artist but it is always something that is sparked within me to move.

Fast, slow, grinding, stepping, African, with a group of people or all alone.  I connect to the music and let it take me on a journey of mind, body and spirit. My body expresses my pleasure with the music, the vibe, the people… life.  It is good and fulfilling. I love when people join me on this journey but I also love to take it alone without reservations or restraint.

I love to flow with the music allowing it to move through me and use me to express itself in human form (Yeah.. It’s like that). Unless I’m interested in sharing that moment with someone else I never notice who is watching, who else is dancing or even the effect I may be having on people.  But there are times (whether Im interested or not) that I can hear the music calling itself forth in others wanting to be expressed through them and I gravitate to them and we dance as one expression to the music and the energy of that moment.  It is very personal and not personal at all.

Dancing is arousing, sensual, pleasurable, erotic, spiritual, captivating and empowering.  I think we all should dance more every chance we get.  You will see in my series "Confessions... of a" how much music and dancing is a part of the experience in the stories and poems.

I just have one question: Will you dance with me?

 

The fear of the Black Man

I grew up around Black Men of different ages, beliefs, cultures, temperaments and economic status. All of them beautiful, loving, kind, strong and valuable members of the community. I did not grow up with my biological father in my life but I never missed him or felt a lack because of it. I knew that if I was in trouble help was always a shout or phone call away. Black men taught me about politics, gardening, cooking, magic, music, dance, culture, hunting, camping, Afrikan history and to be a strong self reliant woman. “A woman needs to know how to use a hammer just like a man needs to know how to cook” was the motto that permeated my up bringing. The men in my life ranged from militant to military; comical to cosmic; stout to statuesque and each of them means the world to me. My life with black men was not uncommon, neither were my experiences with black men. This is the norm.
With all this being said I did and still do understand “the fear of the black man”
The fear of the Black Man is a strong force that pulses through the Afrikan community and engulfs every aspect of american life. The fear of the Black Man is that of justice and retribution to a nation that has exploited, used, abused and molested the body, minds and spirits of black men for centuries.
So often conditioning propagates the black man as a shiftless, barbaric animal that doesn’t deserve respect or human(e) treatment. Consequently black men are treated inhumanely and disrespected constantly socially, economically, spiritually, physically, mentally and politically. Black men are thought to be expendable and used for a tool.
“The fear of the Black Man ” causes desensitization towards black men and black boys and their problems and plights.

However lets talk about the truth… The fear of the Black Man is
Being beaten, harassed or arrested when he is pulled over by the police
Being seen as a threat no matter what he wears, how much he hunches over or softens his voice
Being twice as qualified and receiving half the pay
Being vilified for human mistakes
Being emasculated and berating because of someone else’s insecurities
Not being able to provide for & protect his family/community without external consequences
How to raise our sons to be strong but not “too strong” and kind but not “too kind”
The fear of the black man or the Black man’s fear is real and it is what keeps me hugging, kissing and telling my sons each day they are valuable, loved, intelligent, beautiful… feared and hunted.
As a black woman, mother, wife, sister, cousin, lover and friend I can not help but feel The fear of the Black Man  and I fear for all black men

 

S & M: It’s as easy as riding a bike (Confessions of a faithful reader)

In my last post "Ask me anything.... anonymously" I opened up for readers to share with me and for me to share with you all.  I received this very open piece about S&M from a reader.  I want to thank the reader for sharing with me so candidly and allowing me to share it with you all.  Please take a moment to read AND give your feedback.  Remember you can always post anonymously ;)

 

Dear Milele,

I felt the need to write you about my situation and how you helped. Here it goes………

It’s as easy as riding a bike

People use this phrase to describe many things like driving a car, tying your shoes, even having sex but for some once you decide you like to be tied up and told how to ride the bike, going to just regular riding is a bit hard. See I was in an S&M relationship for several years; after the “Shades” book series or reading ZANE which many of you should be familiar with it.  S&M: the terms sadist and masochist specifically refer to one who either enjoys giving pain (sadist), or one who enjoys receiving pain (masochist), many practitioners of sadomasochism describe themselves as at least something of a switch, or someone who can receive pleasure from either inflicting or receiving pain. I was a submissive and he was dominating the majority of the time. Sometimes the roles would change.  This means that the majority of our sexual encounters where situations created by him. I was told what to wear, how to stand and what to do. I enjoyed the role play and being tied up and spanked. For me this had become “normal” sex.   I was accustomed to receiving a text that would say. “On Friday at 10:00 a.m. have on a white button front shirt with tie and a red bra.  Your hair must be able to be held or grabbed, knee length socks and black heels.  Sit on the kitchen chair on your behind with your hands on your knees: palms up.  If you don’t do as told you will be spanked with the item of my choosing.”  I grew to love this. It was fun, freeing and exciting.  After the relationship ended I started to date again only to end up not feeling sexually fulfilled. Many of the men didn’t like that type of thing or I just didn’t bring it up out of fear.  With these issues I chose to be celibate. So now I have to figure out how to introduce my partner into my bike riding style.  I was sexually frustrated and feeling hopeless then one day this very blog helped me. Milele: You said the following “Wait… bad sex can be meaningful and meaningful sex can be bad. Sex is like having a meal. What you put into it is what you get out of it.”  I realized I never told my severer how I like my dish, just that I wanted it. So from here on forward my bike ride will come with full detailed instructions to ensure all participants enjoy the ride.

I thank you for your blog and book and your words of motivation and encouragement.

Sincerely,

Optimistic Bikerider